2004-04-17 - 12:08 a.m.
Hmmm. This is my first diary entry. I don�t know whether I should be happy or scared shitless.
Some things about me. I am 31. I have no life. I am 31 and have no life. Seems odd to be keeping a diary seeing as how I have no life but I am going to do my best. If anything, it�s free therapy and I need plenty of that.
I guess a little bit about me. I am single, and at age 31, have yet to have been in any sort of relationship. Seem impossible? Well, it�s not. I�m living proof.
I attribute the fact that I am continually �without man� to the facts that I am a bitch and that I am in the words of Missy Elliott �Big Boned-ed�. The fact that I am a bitch and big boned-ed doesn�t bother me at all, I just have a problem with men being able to accept that. I am a secretary for a local wholesale distributor and the only female employee. Unfortunately, I have no decent co-workers, so as far as finding �love at work�? Um, that will NEVER happen.
I love to shop and travel. Those go best together. That�s probably the only plus to being single. I�m not tied down to anyone and free to do as I wish. AND my money is my money. I can spend it the way that I want to. I completely support myself; I have my own house, blah blah blah. Like I always say, I eat, sleep and work, that�s about it and that�s me in a nutshell.
The things I cherish most in my life are my friends and family. They are the only ones that give me unconditional love and support. My friends are definitely my backbone though. They make up half of me. And despite the fact that they don�t all get along with each other, they all share one similarity � me.
I want to give you a little insight into my friends, because they will be in future entries I�m sure � all of the good, wholesome things but more-so the bad, awful, ugly, wretched things. Besides, most of them have lives so I live vicariously through them. Well, some of them.
Andi Profession: Accountant - My cousin and my best friend. I am older than her but I idolize her. She�s a smart cookie that one. I am so happy when I am with her. She�s definitely my partner in crime. We have both determined that we will forever be single and still headbangin� when we�re in our 90�s (which brings up a point about me, I like metal � from Poison to Dimmu Borgir, go figure).
Chebs � Profession: Works at K-Mart (she�s actually the pharmacist at K-Mart but thinks it�s hilarious just to say that she works at K-Mart) A great, great friend. Determined that I will NOT be forever single. Tries to get me into situations that will either land me a man or at least a �lay� but nada has panned out as of yet. A beautiful, highly intelligent woman with the self-esteem of a gnat. Our favorite pastime is getting mildly intoxicated (or full blown drunk � YAY vanilla bombs) and making fun of people. Together, we�re Donnie and Marie (she�s Marie � a little bit country while I�m Donnie � a whole helluva lot of rock �n roll). I am always guaranteed to laugh my ass off when I�m with her.
Kel � Profession: Branch manager of a staffing agency (soon to be HR Manger, fingers crossed) Kel and her daughter bring a lot of fun and sometimes mass chaos to my life. Like Andi, also a headbangin� bud but she also likes Menudo � what the fuck is up with that? Kel�s taking online courses for a degree in human resources, so we don�t get to talk or hang out as much as we used to.
Guitars � Profession: Fucktard (actually, I don�t know what he does � it has something to do with working for a logistics company, that much I know) Good �ole Guitars, what can I say about this man, er, I mean, boy? Well, this much I can say � he�s the one that de-flowered me. To give you an idea of what a fucktard he is, he recently called me and our conversation went something like this (this is the honest to God truth, I swear):
Me: Hello?
Guitars: I am sorry for the candles.
Me: What the hell are you talking about?
Guitars: God gave me a vision. He told me to apologize to you. I am sorry for the burning candles, for taking your virginity.
Me: I thought the fact that we slept together was mutual? You didn�t take anything from me and that was 12 years ago.
Guitars: So you gave me your virginity? I didn�t take it?
Me: Once again, I thought it was mutual.
Guitars: Were you at least 18?
Me: Actually, I was 19, but glad that you�re asking that now.
So, that�s a snippet of the conversation. Bare in mind that he is 34 years old now, has been married for almost 10 years but calls and all of a sudden brings up our sexual liaison from 12 years ago? Proves that he is definitely a fucktard. Why apologize for the candles you may ask? Well, I wanted my first experience to be pretty � candles lit, classical music playing (I know, a headbanger, likin� classical music? Well, I�m purty diverse). It was EXACTLY the way I wanted it. Well, to a certain extent. I like the fact that he is back in my life though. While I feel that I have somewhat (and I stress the word somewhat) matured, he hasn�t, so I can be downright evil with him by using big words and he has no clue.
Krzykurls - Profession: Mother/Homemaker/Web MASTER - I guess I met Stacy at the ripe old age of 5, though I don't really remember that, she swears we went to kindergarten together. We have been great friends since we were 16 (so 15 years, WOW). We have had our moments so to speak, but I love her to death. She made me an aunt for the first time with the birth of her son Tater (who will be 11 this year), and then with Satan (she will be 4) and Fang (who is just a little over a year old). KK's hubby is in Iraq and will be there for over a year. KK is the person in the commercial that has seen every thing there is to see on the internet, hence I call her the Web MASTER. She's a self professed bitch, but one of the coolest people I have ever had in my life.
Deth � Profession: Semi-self employed, way into computers - I met Deth online in September 2003. He sent me an instant message saying that he had seen an entry I made in a Lacuna Coil guestbook and that if I was interested in chatting with him, that I should feel free to do so. Now, I am not one to �chat� with many people that I don�t know. A synopsis as to why I don�t chat with many strangers: Earlier in the year (2003), I met a man online that I had a strong fascination with. After a month of chatting online and on the phone once or twice, we met. I was good enough to give him a bj, but not good enough to get anything from him. After stalking him (I admit it) and finally meeting up with him once more in September, after his invitation to meet him at work with the possibility of catching a local band, I realized he was a fucking prick. I think it was his subtle way of telling me to fuck off, because when I met up with him at his workplace, he introduced me to �Ronnie�, his girlfriend that he occasionally had talked about off and on since we began talking. It was one of those �I love her but I am not in love with her� things. I think he had it all planned out, I would show, he�d introduce me to her then I would leave him alone. I so wanted to say �Honey, first of all, I gave your big cavity in his front tooth man a blow job on his cum stained futon (yeah, there were a couple of crusty spots on his futon which was in his living room but in the bed position when we arrived) and you need some treatment for your nasty ass acne� but I refrained. Instead, I proceeded to go see my friends band play and cried nonstop for 5 hours and got completely shit faced. I am over him, and wish him nothing but the worst but it�s a funny story in a way and I had to write it so when I�m old and get Alzheimer�s, I can laugh at the stupidity that is my non-life. End of synopsis and back to Deth. Anywho, I responded to Deth�s im and we have been chatting ever since. I think of Deth as my soul mate, a kindred spirit � my male counterpart. He lives a thousand miles away from me, we have never met in person, but I have such a strong attraction to this man. For the longest time, we would talk online and on the phone constantly (sometimes even at the same time). We don�t talk as often anymore. I manage to piss him off quite frequently (never intentionally though). It hurts that we don�t talk as much as we did in the beginning, but I will live and die saying that if this man ever proposed marriage to me, and we still had yet to meet face to face, I would accept his proposal in a second. I do have a sneaking suspicion though that he has a lot of �girl� �friends� so I feel quite hurt by that too, but I appreciate the fact that he showered me with constant attention for quite a number of months.
So, that�s pretty much the lowdown on my friends and how I see them.
I am thrilled at the thought of keeping an online diary and want to thank krzykurls for turning me on to Miss Doxie, and to Miss Doxie for turning me on to Drunken Bee. You two are fuckin� hilarious. My diary entries will never be as great as yours, but I am definitely going to give it my best.
